Whispered Support

Welcome

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Welcome to Whispered Support. Our hope is that you will find practical and helpful information here to guide you through the days surrounding the death of your precious baby. The following ideas have been sent from parents all around the world, who have walked this road beforehand.

Suggestions for the time that you have your baby with you

Tell your baby that you love them
Hold your baby's hand
Kiss your baby's cheek
Unwrap your baby to see his, or her whole body
Give your baby a bath
Think about allowing family members to come and see your baby
Take your baby outside to let the sun kiss and warm their skin
Take hand and foot prints, not just one set but two or three
Take many photos
Have your photo taken holding your baby
Take video footage
If possible take a lock of hair
Keep one of their blankets
Write a description of your baby's features

Things you can do after you have said goodbye

Write down their story
Release some helium balloons with a letter attached
Have someone take photos the memorial service
Contact Carly and Sam at "To Write Their Names In The Sand"
Contact Sarah and Richard at Only say it with Flowers
Keep a journal
Start an online blog

Things that family and friends can do to help during these days

Send a sympathy card
Send flowers
Cook a meal for the family
Take some groceries to their home
If they already have children offer to babysit
Press flowers that have bloomed on the day of the baby's birth
Support them in every possible way if they are going through this loss by themselves. If the case is that they are single and do not have a partner, organize for them to have someone close stay with them when they arrive home from hospital

If you have some time before the birth of your baby, here are some preparations ideas

Take your last pregnancy photo's in a beautiful place, for instance, outside in a garden
Burn a special candle
Take photos with your family
Write a letter to your baby
Contact "Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep."
Contact Australian Charity of Child Photographers
Choose a name for your baby
Look into arranging moldings for their hands and feet
Start a blog for support

Saying goodbye

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Planning a farewell service may be the last thing on your mind. You may find the following information helpful in planning a service for your precious little one.

Songs

We have included some beautiful songs on our Music of Peace song book which you can find at the bottom of this page. These may give you an idea if you would like to have some music played at the service.

Poems and Quotes

An Angel in the book of life
wrote down your baby's date of birth
and whispered as she closed the book
"Too beautiful for this Earth"

- Unknown

Alison

When the words were spoken
Words not wanting to believe
We had to say goodbye to joy
We were left alone to grieve

Our baby’s life was ended
Our love, our pain just grew
The anguish, tears and disbelief
Could this agony be true?

One day we had a treasure gift
Her suffering came to an end
A brave little angel, a memory now
A lost, beloved friend

Take away the tears from my eyes
Give me back part of my soul
A life, a treasured part of me
Until then I will not feel whole

- By Sheryl Mcmahon

Little Snowdrop

The world may never notice
If a Snowdrop doesn't bloom,
Or even pause to wonder
If the petals fall too soon.
But every life that ever forms,
Or ever comes to be,
Touches the world in some small way
For all eternity.
The little one we long for
Was swiftly here and gone.
But the love that was then planted
Is a light that still shines on.
And though our arms are empty,
Our hearts know what to do.
Every beating of our hearts
Says that we love you.

- Author Unknown

"I would rather have had one breath of his hair..
one kiss of his mouth..
one touch of his hand..
than an eternity without it.."

-Unkown

"Your life was a blessing,
Your memory a treasure...
You are loved beyond words
and missed beyond measure..."

-Unknown

What Makes A Mother?

I thought of you all, I closed my eyes
and prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a Mother
and I know I heard him say,

"A Mother has a baby.
This we know is true."
But God can you be a Mother
when your baby's not with you?

"Yes you can!" He replied
with confidence in His voice,
"I give many women babies,
when they leave is not their choice."

"Some I send for a lifetime
and others for a day.
And some I send to feel your womb
but there's no need to stay."

"I just don't understand this God,
I want my baby here."
He took a deep breath and cleared His throat
and then I saw a tear.

"I wish I could show you
what your child is doing today.
If you could see your child smile
with other children and say.."

"We go to earth to learn our lessons
of love and life and fear.
My mommy loved me oh so much
I got to come straight here."

"I feel so lucky to have a Mom
who has so much love for me
I learned my lesson very quick
My Mommy set me free."

"I miss My Mommy oh so much
but I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep
on her pillow's where I lay."

"I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
and whisper in her ear,
Mommy don't be sad today
I'm your baby and I'm here."

"So you see my dear sweet one,
your children are OK.
Your babies are here in my home
and this is where they'll stay."

"They'll wait for you with me
until your lesson is through.
And on the day that you come home
they'll be at the gates for you."

"So now you see what makes a Mother.
It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of
right from the very start."

"Though some on earth may not realize
that you are a Mother until there time is done
They'll be up here with me one day
and know you're the best one."

Too Soon

This was a life that hardly begun
no time to find your place in the sun
no time to do all you could have done
but we loved you enough for a lifetime

No time to enjoy the world and its wealth
No time to take life down off the shelf
no time to sing the song of yourself
though you had enough love for a lifetime

Those who live long endure sadness and tears
but you'll never suffer the sorrowing years
no betrayel, no anger
no hatred, no fears
Just love, only love in your lifetime..

- Unknown

Love is the scent with the lotus born.
It is the silent choirs of petals
Singing the winter’s harmony of uniform beauty.
Love is the song of the soul, singing to God.
It is the balanced rhythmic dance of planets - sun and moon lit

- Paramahansa Yoganada

Little Footprints

How very softly you tiptoed into my world.
Almost silently you stayed,
but what an imprint your footsteps
have left upon my heart
A heart of gold stopped beating
My baby girl's eyes at rest
God broke our hearts to prove,
He only takes the best.
God knew she had to leave us,
but she did not go alone.
For part of us went with her,
the day He took her home.
To some she is forgotten,
to others...just the past,
but to us who loved and lost her
memories will always last.

By Dorothy Ferguson

"Love is not a thing to understand.
Love is not a thing to feel.
Love is not a thing to give and receive.
Love is a thing only to become
And eternally be.

- Sri Chinmoy

Readings

Matthew 18,

"Take care that you do not despise one of these little ones; for, I tell you, in heaven their angels continually see the face of my Father in heaven."

Song of Solomon 2: 10-13,

Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away; for lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth; the time of singing has come, and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land."

Mark 10:14:

"Let the little children come to me; do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the kingdom of God belongs."

I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8.38,39

The Lamb who is at the throne will be their shepherd, and will lead them to springs of living water, and God will wipe away all tears from their eyes.

Revelation 7.17

Beloved, we are God's children now; what we will be has not yet been revealed. What we do know is this: when he is revealed, we will be like him, for we will see him as he is.

1 John 3.2

Let the little children come to me; do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the kingdom of God belongs.

Mark 10.14

I will comfort you, says the Lord, as a mother comforts her child, and you shall be comforted.

Isaiah 66.13

Heavenly Father,

You alone can heal our broken hearts;
you alone can wipe away the tears that well up inside us;
you alone can give us the peace we need;
you alone can strengthen us to carry on.
We ask you to be near those whose time of joy
has been turned into sadness.
Assure them that with you nothing is wasted or incomplete,
and uphold them with your tender love.
Supported by your strength,
may our love for one another be deepened by the knowledge of your love for us all.

Amen

Jewellery in remembrance

Having a piece of jewellery in memory of your child is a beautiful way to honour your baby. It could be a simple ring or pendant. You could have your baby's name and special date engraved into the jewelery.

A special place on the internet is Lisa Leonard Designs The photograph on the left is a necklace that Lisa has created. She can create beautiful talismans with the names of all your family members as well.

Useful links

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The following collection of links were recommended by bereaved parents from all around the world.

Photography Sites

Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep

Australian Charity of Child Photographers

In honour and remembrance of your baby

To Write Their Names In The Sand

Never Lose Faith

October 15th

The Kindness Project

Writing farewell guides for your beloved baby

Infant Obituaries

Helpful books and reading material

High risk pregnancy and foetal diagnosis: your journey by Stephanie Arzi

Where to find other grieving families

Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Infant Loss Blog Directory

Keepsakes and Jewelery

Hanami Prints

Sue-Ella Signatures

The Greatest Blessing Memory boxes

Forever warm

Lisa Leonard Designs

My Forever Child

tiny moments of pure joy

Places of support and discussion

Essential Baby: Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Neonatal Loss forum

Glow In The Woods

Our Forever Babies

Silent Grief

Journey of Hearts

The Butterfly Haven

Baby's in the sky

The MISS Foundation

Baby Centre

Daily Strength

The Compassionate Friend
Victoria Australia

Support Sites

A Walk To Remember

Sweet Pea Project

Grieving Fathers & Parents

String of Pearls

The Harry Board

A Small Victory

Teddy Love Club

Information Sites

Cotlife 2000

Sids and Kids Australia

Sands Australia

Sands UK

Hygeia

Stillbirth Foundation

First Candle

Perinatal Hospice

Infant Loss Photo Retouching

Our Angel Babies

Baby Angel Pics

Christian Support Sites

Sarah's Laughter

Bethany

Sufficient Grace Ministries For Women

Interactive Support Site

Coming Soon

Support sites for certain conditions

Living with Trisomy 13

The Twin To Twin Transfusion Syndrome Foundation

Memorial Urn Sites

Perfect Memorials

Poetry Sites

Write Spirit

Poet Seers

Infertility Sites

Fertile Thoughts

Lost and found

Angel Clothing

Unique Gowns

Advice for family and friends

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There are many useful sites providing a wealth of detail on how to support bereaved parents.
These are some of the key things to remember.

Show Up: The most important thing you can do is show up, even if you can’t be there physically. A card, phone call or email to acknowledge their loss is so important.
Even more significantly, remember them after the funeral. Their lives have changed irrevocably. They are discovering a whole new kind of “normal.” As a family member or friend, maintain contact with them as they navigate their way through this.

Listen: This usually isn’t a time when advice is needed. It’s a time to listen. Equally don’t be afraid to mention the name of their baby. Most parents long to talk about their little ones.

Provide Practical Help: Rather than asking, “Is there anything I can do to help?” just provide the help. Suggestions include preparing a meal or snack can often help, at a time when cooking or eating is the last thing they want to do. On the flipside, avoid taking over or being overbearing in your manner. Being gentle is so important.
If you have any photos of their little ones or got to meet them, share your memories with them.

Accept: Everyone grieves in different ways and it may be very different to your own way of dealing with things. They may not pick up the phone when you call or answer your emails. It doesn’t mean they don’t listen to, or read the messages. Equally, this is not something they will “get over.” So avoid clichés and judgements

Try to aim for a consistent level of meaningful support, rather than just at the beginning of what will be a long and often painful journey through bereavement.

There is a very useful article here which was contributed to by members of Essential Baby who have experienced miscarriage and loss.

Mission Statement

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Whispered Support has a two fold purpose. Firstly, Carly's letter, that has been inspired by feedback from parents all round the world. Our hope is that this letter will be distributed in hospitals around the world, and given to the families who are suffering the heartbreaking loss of their baby. There is a downloadable version available at the bottom of the page. Please feel free to give it to anyone you know who may find the information useful.

The site itself, is dedicated to providing practical and emotional support, in the immediate days after the loss of your precious little ones. Here you will find advice based on feedback and guidance from other parents who have experienced the same, or similar losses. We cannot help ease your suffering, but hope to help you navigate these unchartered waters more easily.

Thank you
Carly and Sarah.

Carly's story

It had been 2 years to the day since my son was born asleep. The inspiration for this site came from watching a beautiful video about a tiny baby named Audrey Caroline's all too short life. I admired her mother for having the presence of mind to do everything she did in the 2 and a half hours that she had with her precious daughter. At the same time a felt a wave of rage and anger come over me.

Why didn't I think of those things to do in the time that I had our precious son with us? I wrote out all my regrets from those days surrounding the birth of my son. I wrote them out on my online blog for the whole world to see.

It was then that I realized that I was not alone. There were emails flooding into my inbox from all over the world. All these beautiful ladies who were living with regret as well as their grief. I realized that I needed to do something to stop women from regretting. I didn't think of these things because I was in shock. No one gave me any information until I had said goodbye to my son and left the hospital. For me that was all too late.

The Whispered Support Letter is a letter from women all over the world. Living with grief is hard work. Living with regret is even harder. If we can get this letter to women before they leave the hospital we will be able to help stop the regrets. This place is a place where bereaved parents can come and hopefully find some guidance and solace. It's a place where we whisper our support to you.

About Sarah

As a sibling who lost her baby brother Rory to SIDS, and as a mother who has experienced miscarriage; I am working with Carly to provide support to fellow parents, and provide guidance for family and friends who so often find themselves at a loss as to what they can do to help at this difficult and sad time.

I taught Carly many years ago, then I moved overseas and had no contact at all. The way we got in touch again was an incredible series of coincidences. We both feel very fortunate to have so many people supporting us, as we reach out and try to help others.

Grief truly is the price we pay for love. It is through Whispered Support, we hope to provide both consolation and understanding to parents, at a time, when really, very little makes sense at all.

Stories From Bereaved Families

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Andrew and Baby e's story

Angel Skye Orner's story

Baby Matthias

Carly Nicole Elliotte My Micro-Preemie

Christian's Story

Christopher's Journey

"Cries for the silent"

Cara Grace's Story

Dekar gave us a lifetime of love

Footprints Of Angels

Handprints from Heaven

Hannah Kathlean Elliotte- My angel in Heaven

Heaven Sent "Little Angel Hands"

Isaac's story

Isaiah's story

Johnathan "JT" Thomas Michael's story

Maddison Lee's story

My journey through the loss of my son Kenner

Our Angel Kylie

Our Precious Three

Precious Michael

Taite and Seth

The story of The Green Beans

With deep gratitude

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We would like to thank all the women and men who sent us their ideas, regrets, wishes and hopes.

We are so grateful to everyone who helped us with setting up this site. In particular, thanks to Richard Jefferson for his wonderful photography and Danielle from Blogs by Danielle.

Thank you to Danielle Kaplan who kindly gave her time to translating the letter into Spanish. Because of you Danielle many more women and families will benefit.

Thank you to our wonderful families who have been unfailingly supportive and encouraging. We love you.

Carly and Sarah