There are many useful sites providing a wealth of detail on how to support bereaved parents.
These are some of the key things to remember.
Show Up: The most important thing you can do is show up, even if you can’t be there physically. A card, phone call or email to acknowledge their loss is so important.
Even more significantly, remember them after the funeral. Their lives have changed irrevocably. They are discovering a whole new kind of “normal.” As a family member or friend, maintain contact with them as they navigate their way through this.
Listen: This usually isn’t a time when advice is needed. It’s a time to listen. Equally don’t be afraid to mention the name of their baby. Most parents long to talk about their little ones.
Provide Practical Help: Rather than asking, “Is there anything I can do to help?” just provide the help. Suggestions include preparing a meal or snack can often help, at a time when cooking or eating is the last thing they want to do. On the flipside, avoid taking over or being overbearing in your manner. Being gentle is so important.
If you have any photos of their little ones or got to meet them, share your memories with them.
Accept: Everyone grieves in different ways and it may be very different to your own way of dealing with things. They may not pick up the phone when you call or answer your emails. It doesn’t mean they don’t listen to, or read the messages. Equally, this is not something they will “get over.” So avoid clichés and judgements
Try to aim for a consistent level of meaningful support, rather than just at the beginning of what will be a long and often painful journey through bereavement.
These are some of the key things to remember.
Show Up: The most important thing you can do is show up, even if you can’t be there physically. A card, phone call or email to acknowledge their loss is so important.
Even more significantly, remember them after the funeral. Their lives have changed irrevocably. They are discovering a whole new kind of “normal.” As a family member or friend, maintain contact with them as they navigate their way through this.
Listen: This usually isn’t a time when advice is needed. It’s a time to listen. Equally don’t be afraid to mention the name of their baby. Most parents long to talk about their little ones.
Provide Practical Help: Rather than asking, “Is there anything I can do to help?” just provide the help. Suggestions include preparing a meal or snack can often help, at a time when cooking or eating is the last thing they want to do. On the flipside, avoid taking over or being overbearing in your manner. Being gentle is so important.
If you have any photos of their little ones or got to meet them, share your memories with them.
Accept: Everyone grieves in different ways and it may be very different to your own way of dealing with things. They may not pick up the phone when you call or answer your emails. It doesn’t mean they don’t listen to, or read the messages. Equally, this is not something they will “get over.” So avoid clichés and judgements
Try to aim for a consistent level of meaningful support, rather than just at the beginning of what will be a long and often painful journey through bereavement.
There is a very useful article here which was contributed to by members of Essential Baby who have experienced miscarriage and loss.
